Clawing
by Graysi
Summary: Everyone has bad habits. But nothing compares, to Beck's hatred of his girlfriend's bad habit. He just can't stand it, he has to figure a way to stop her, before it drives him insane. Bade and just a whole load of friendship between the rest. Oneshot. A drabble gone wrong and turned into a 5000 word story. Oops.


_Hmm... so this was not meant to come out anything like this. I got the idea for this, just watching episodes, where Beck is playing with Jade's hands in the background, and I wanted to do a one-shot of the reason why he did that. It was just meant to be a very short drabble, with about three paragraphs - the first, actually is the first - the introduction to her habits, the second - a tiny piece on when Beck first noticed her habit, and the third - the reason why Beck would always play with her hands in class. But noooo, I just had to go describe things too much again.  
I'm not too sure about the ending, when I went back to the present tense. I feel I should've left it at the end of the carnival scene. I might go back later and change the ending, because I couldn't think of a snappy last line._  
_Also, when I read over this, I realised it sounded a little like Jade's self harming, but I don't want her to. I just want it to be like someone who, say, bites their lip, like when they're worried, (in a very extreme fashion of course) but just a little habit that they got as a kid. I mean when my sister was a kid she used to hold her breath 'till she fainted when she got stressed. And my baby cousin used to whack her head off the tiles when she was angry. Yeah..I don't know either.  
Also, their constant apologies to Cat are because of their cursing. I thought maybe people might not get that._  
_And I don't own Victorious. Also, I just added a little more in the middle, because I always did want the handholding thing longer and someone's comment said that too so I just threw that in. It might be bad. Je ne sais pas..._

* * *

Jade West has some nasty habits. Like, for instance, whenever her father and his _stupid new wife_ take her and her brother out for the day, Jade just _has_ to start a shouting match with her. When Tori says something that particularly irritates her, she just _has_ to mock her in a Southern belle accent. And when André keeps singing the same annoying pop song for six hours straight, she just _has_ to smack him across his head. But none of these habits, does Beck hate more, than Jade's clawing.

She does this when she's stressed out, or when she's real angry, or when she's scared. Or just upset and trying not to let it show. Her hands clench up and her long nails dig into her palms, making marks and scars, spoiling her beautiful smooth hands. Clawing at them.

She doesn't even seem to notice she's doing it. The first time Beck noticed, was the day her father got up and left. They had only just started going out, or maybe they were just friends and he just _wanted_ to go out, he can't even remember. She just couldn't_ stand_ to be in her house while her father packed his things, so calm and tearless, so Beck took her out, to a carnival. Not because he thought she'd enjoy it. She hated any event with children, lying salesmen, and the fake plastic ducks that swam around pointlessly in a dirty old man's tub. As quoted. But he knew she'd complain constantly, so maybe she would forget the fact that her father was packing his way out of her life, if only for a minute.

It worked for the first ten minutes when they strolled around the stalls, at a perfect distance for Jade to point out every single thing that was wrong with carnivals, (i.e. candy-floss, happy clowns, primary colours, people who thought they could win a teddy on the machines, and once again, the ducks.) But when they took a ride on the ferris wheel, everything got quiet, and they were _far_ away from the noise and the annoyance and the distractions, and the _stupid carnival_, that would never be able to fix what was happening to her. And all of a sudden, she remembered why she was here in the first place, and what was happening twelve miles away, and that no matter how hard she shouted at him, he wouldn't ever change his mind about leaving.

And then she got _scared_, that now, it was just going to be her, and her _ever so_ fragile little brother, and her stupid, _stupid_ mother, who she knew would _never_ be able to cope looking after two kids on her own. And then she got _stressed_ that her mother would do something real stupid now. Like leave. She just couldn't _handle,_ remembering to get dinner every day, or _handle_ picking Danny up from school at three or _handle _keeping a job for at least a month. There was no way she'd be able to look after them by herself. She'd do what she always did and _give up_. So then she got _angry_ that her brother was so _quiet_ all the time and not-at-all like a six year old should be, and her mother was so _thoughtless_, and acted like they didn't have a care in the world when they _did_, _they did_, and her father was so _heartless_ and uncaring and… leaving. And then she just got sad. And her only thought now was to not let Beck see.

So she did what she always did, and drove her nails into her palms, not on purpose at all; she wasn't even aware she was doing it. It was just a little habit, to keep control of her emotions, just trying to block out that _awful_ pain. But this time was different, and her pain was so bad that she had to _squeeze_ her hands, tighter and tighter and tighter, until little trickles of blood began to seep down her forearms. She didn't even notice, she just desperately begged that Beck wouldn't perceive how close those tears were, to streaking down her cheeks and marking everything black. But Beck_ did_ notice.

"Jade?" Uneasy. Scared. Disbelieving.  
"Mmm?" Muffled. Not looking at him. Trying to gain composure.  
"Jade? Oh my God!" He sounded absolutely _terrified_. God they were only tears. Calm down for Christ Sakes.  
"Jade, what the _fuck_ did you _do_?"  
He grabbed her wrists roughly, making her look at him, confused. His eyes were wide and fiery, but just _so_ terrified, like he was just sentenced to the death penalty. They were at the top of the ferris wheel now, and the wind blew against his face, giving him an intense blazing look.  
"_WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO_?" he roared again, squeezing her wrists so tight it hurt and pulling them up so they were at eye level.  
It was only then that Jade spotted the ruthless, glistening red blood, trickling down her arm at wrist level. She sucked in a breath.  
Oh God. Oh God, she didn't. What the fuck happened? But as she pulled her wrists towards her, she opened her palms, and shakily laughed out loud at the sheer relief and the pure shock.  
Beck was still staring, looking so angry that he seemed like he was about to push her the 60 feet down from the car, or so appalled that he was about to push himself.

"No, no no Beck, I didn't! I didn't, I swear to God, I didn't do it! My hands are just cut, see?"  
And she pulled her wrists back and presented her open palms to show him. He took both hands in his own and stared at them for exactly 1 minute and 16 seconds. Jade counted. Then slowly, he lifted both hands up to his mouth, and each in turn, gently kissed the gashes in her palms, even though Jade taunted him later that she had infected him. After he kissed the second cut, he rested his head against her forearm, his mouth still at her palm, and breathed in the most ragged, _shaking_ breath that she had ever heard. He stayed like that for a minute, just trying to breathe normally, and he was shaking a little, so Jade guessed he was cold. When he raised his head up again, his face was blank and composed, but his eyes were red and still like fire.

"Beck?" she asked softly, for once not using her strong authoritative tone.  
She pulled her wrists from his grasp and grabbed his hands, lacing her fingers tightly with his, even though she smeared the blood over his hands in the process.  
"I'm okay Beck. Yeah? It's just a little cut okay? It's not _anything _else. I'm _fine."_  
Beck swallowed, still staring blankly at her, his eyes still wide and scared.  
"I.. I just thought. I thought that you… _God_."  
His voice was so hoarse. She squeezed his hands tighter.  
"I know, I know you did. But it's just a cut. Nothing else."

He nodded mutely and then, without warning, he let go of her hands and pulled her into him, wrapping his arms so tightly around her shoulders, she swore he narrowed her shoulder blades. He burrowed his face into the crook of her neck, her hair blanketing his face, as he breathed in her sweet coffee and coconut smell, just wanting to know that she wasn't going anywhere. She responded by wrapping her arms around his waist, pressing her head against his chest, and clutching her bloody hands in the fabric of his plaid shirt, just trying to tell him that she _wasn't_ going anywhere. They stayed like that until the ride started moving again and they slowly started to descend. Beck raised his head out from her neck, and tangled his hands in her long brown hair that reminded him of hazelnuts, and then pressed his lips hard to her forehead, that silently says 'thanks be to _fuck_, Jade West, you're alright'.

She released his shirt as his hands slid out from her hair. He looked at her bloody hands and then grabbed them again.  
"How did you cut them then?" he asked. She frowned, puzzled. How _did_ she cut them?  
"I.. I don't know. I… God I have _no_ idea." He frowned too, bending closer to inspect the wounds. Then he froze suddenly, and his head whipped up to glare at her.  
"Your nails." He said, sounding quietly furious … sounding dangerous. "Your nails are red Jade."  
She glanced at them. "So they are… And?" He glared harder.  
"And?" he spat. "You fucking did it to yourself, didn't you. Don't you even dare play dumb with me, Jade. You're not dumb, so lose the act."  
She recoiled a little at his sudden change in mood and his harsh tone but she could still see the fear in his eyes, if she looked close enough. She looked at her bloody nails and at her gashed palms and understood.  
"Oh."

"Oh?" he repeated. "Oh, fucking _what_?"  
"Oh, I _did_ do it."  
He breathed out furiously, about to let rip.  
"No Beck, it's not what you think. It's just a habit I picked up when I was a kid. Whenever I'd get stressed, or nervous, I'd dig my nails into my palms. My mom used to call it 'clawing.' Seriously, like I don't even _notice_ what I'm doing. It was only that you started flipping out that I even realised. Seriously Beck, chill."  
"You don't _notice, _when you claw out half your _hand_?"  
She laughed and shook her head.  
"Uh uh. I suppose it wasn't a big deal when I was a kid because I bit my nails like the devil back then, but now, I guess… it's a bit of a problem.  
Beck half coughed half laughed, shaking his head like she was crazy.  
A bit." He agreed.

He looked down at her bloody hands again, with a distressed expression. He glanced up at Jade's face, his eyes zooming in on the purple scarf she had wrapped around her neck and smirked a little.  
"Hey Jade?"  
"Yeah?"  
"That is the _ugliest_ scarf I have ever seen in my life."  
She raised her eyebrows and looked down at it.  
What's wrong with it?" she asked, back to her usual harsh tone. Beck snorted.  
"Nothing. I mean, I guess some people just _like_ ugly clothes, it's none of _my_ business. But really, like _that_ ugly? Can't you just throw it over the railings?"  
"What?"  
"Yeah. I don't mean to be offensive. But you've looked like a troll in it all day. I didn't want to say anything but really, I mean, if people start thinking I'm _with_ you... God my reputation would never be the same."  
Jade raised her eyebrows again, staring at him in a 'you-do-NOT-want-to-push-me' way.

"I see." She said her voice so full of ice, Beck felt the beginnings of hypothermia coming on.  
"Yeah. Sorry. So can I throw it over the railing?"  
"Let me get this straight. You want to throw _my_ scarf, over the railing of a _ferris wheel_, because you say it looks _ugly_?"  
Beck nodded.  
"Uh huh."  
She glared at him so fiercely, he was almost positive he was getting a slap, but then she reached up to rip the scarf from her neck and throw it at him. He smirked again.  
"I can throw this down then?" he confirmed, dangling it over the edge of the car.  
"Fine." She said calmly, but he could hear daggers in her voice.  
"You sure?"  
"Yup. Go ahead." Daggers.  
He then stopped smirking and smiled warmly, cheekily, at her, and put the scarf on his lap and proceeded to tear it up into little strips.  
"What the _hell_ are you doing Beck Oliver?" she asked exasperatedly.  
"Wait and see!" he said, continuing ripping her scarf into shreds. Seriously dude, come _on_, he couldn't hate it _that_ much.

When he was finished, he gently took her left hand and started wrapping the strips around her palm and then tying it into little knots with his long delicate fingers. The sweetest little smile, he thought, crept up onto her face as she watched him carefully and gently bandage her cuts. He did the same with the other hand.  
"There!" he said quietly when he was done, stroking her now bandaged hand. "All done."  
"All bandaged up, with my ugly scarf" she agreed. He chuckled.  
"On the contrary, it was a very flattering colour on you, but I thought your hands needed it more." She laughed.  
"Shut up. Y'know, you could've just asked, if you could use my scarf for a bandage, instead of _insulting_ it off me."  
"Yes, but I wouldn't have been half as subtle then, would I?"  
"Subtle?" she exclaimed. "_Please_."  
"And for the record, I wasn't trying to insult it off you, I was just checking to see if you'd _let_ me throw it, if it was important to you or something."

They were at the ground now, and the ferris wheel guy came over to open the little metal gate of their car for them. Beck nodded at him as he got out.  
"Thanks" he said, and then turned to help Jade out of the car. She slapped his hands away.  
"I'm fine" she insisted. "Jesus."  
"No, Jade. I know the resemblance is uncanny, but I'm not Jesus. I'm just a _man_."  
She snorted. "Just a _dork_."  
He smiled in a 'you-might-be-right' kinda way and then put his arm over her shoulder as they walked away.  
"Hey Jade?"  
"Hmm?"  
"I hate that habit you have."  
"Yeah. I guessed as much."

Beck hates that habit three years later, just the same as he did that first day.  
Jade always says it's not that big a deal, that she doesn't even notice she's doing it, but when he sees how scraped and red her hands are, he dies at little inside.  
It hurts even worse knowing that she claws herself, at the level that she's hurting inside. It's like the cuts are saying to him, 'hey Beck, we may look bruised and broken and bloody, but that's _nothing_ to what your girlfriend's feeling inside.' He hated that 'stomach plunging moment' when they would walk together to lunch, and he would causally reach down to grab her hand, only to grab a ravaged broken one instead. Only to hold a very stressed, angry, scared sad hand. He would stop, the minute he felt them, and pull her hand up so he could see the damage.  
"Sorry." She'd say. "Habit." And smile at him, so happily you'd never think anything was wrong.

It had to stop, he decided. He just couldn't stand all those moments when he'd go to hold her hand, and be reminded of all the things that made her so unhappy. And sometimes, just sometimes, when something r_eally_ shitty would happen, she would get as bad as that day when he first noticed, and blood would trickle down her wrists again, bringing back all those memories of when he thought she'd done something stupid. God, that was absolutely the _scariest_ feeling he had _ever_ felt in his whole life.

Since then, he notices all the times when her hands would be clawed. They would be coated in scrapes each month, when her father would visit. And when her mother would disappear for those random weeks, leaving Jade with a couple of fifty dollar bills, and a note to 'be good.' And when the elementary school would ring home, telling her that her little brother is being bullied, and can she_ please_ take care of it? Beck notices she does it more often now, when she spends too long at her house, when she's on stage, or in an audition, and pretty much _any time_ she's around Tori. He asks her one night, when they're watching Ice Age 3 in his RV, why Tori makes her so angry. Or stressed, or sad, or scared.

"'Cause you know that she's your friend right? Just like Cat. Or André. And she'd do anything for you to make you happy. Just like them." Jade shakes her head.  
"I know that. She'd jump off a bridge, if I asked her. But she's _different_ to them."  
"And how's that?"  
But she dodges his question with an offer to make more popcorn. Yup, the little lady sure can cook.

They sit at the asphalt one time during lunch, at their usual table. Jade, Beck, Cat, Robbie and André. Then Tori walks up, and sits down beside Cat with a friendly 'Hey!' and a tall glass of kiwi smoothie, and Jade's hands almost automatically clench. Beck doesn't notice at first, he's too absorbed with stealing the kiwi slice from the edge of Tori's glass.

"So, Cat, I was thinking, you want to come over tomorrow?" she asks sweetly. Cat gasps and claps her hands.  
"Oh wow, that's so nice of you Tori!" she squeals. "Can we make cupcakes again?" Tori giggles at her reaction.  
"Sure. I was just thinking Robbie's play is going to be soon, and I want to have all of my lines perfect. You up for that?"  
"Sure." says Cat, but her tone is so vague and breezy that she could be saying sure to anything.  
"Cool. We can make Belgian hot chocolate, like last time okay?"  
"Oh yay!" Cat squeals.  
"Belgian hot chocolate?" asks André. "I'm coming over." he states, indisputably. Tori smiles.  
"So..Are you excited for my play guys?" Robbie asks. Cat nods.  
"I get to be a shoe cleaner!" laughs Cat.  
"No, no Cat." He says patronisingly. "The official title, is shoe _polisher."  
_"Be quiet fool. You aint got no script skills." Interjects Rex.  
"Shut up!" Robbie shrieks. Tori shakes her head.

"So, Jade. Did you ask your mom if it's okay to drive me to Bakersfield next week? I really need to pick up those props for Sikowitz." Beck looks at Jade, unaware of this information.  
"I dunno Tori. Mom's taken the car so I dunno if I'll be able to take you. Ask André or Trina or someone." She says dismissively.  
"Yeah but it'll be next week. Surely your mom won't still have the car then?" Jade shrugs and sips her coffee like she couldn't care less. But suddenly Beck notices her other hand is resting on the bench, between her leg and his, clenched into a fist. He immediately grabs her wrist and pulls up her hand, furious he didn't notice it earlier.

"For Christ Sakes Jade!" he shouts. Jade jumps at the sudden fury in his voice, but then realises what had pissed him off.  
"Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to babe. Habit." She smiles, which is one smile too much for Beck and he jerks her wrist _hard_ in frustration.  
"It's not funny!"  
Cat squeaks at Beck's uncharacteristic ferocity.  
"What are you doing to her?" she demands. "You're _hurting_ her!"  
"Beck, what the _hell_ are you _doing_ man?" André barks, not liking how tight Beck's hand is wrapped around his girlfriend's.

"What am_ I_ doing? What the fuck is _she_ doing?" he snaps back.  
"Beck!" reprimands Tori. "Not in front of Cat!" Beck glances over at the little figure hunched over, clamping her hands over her ears, but not taking her eyes off Beck's grasp on Jade's hand.  
"Sorry Cat." Cat keeps staring at his hold nervously, so he throws Jade's wrist to her chest in anger.  
"Jade this has got to stop. I _mean_ it." He warns, sounding menacing, almost threatening, and it makes André whip his head to stare at Beck disbelievingly.  
"Jade?" André says, softly this time, looking back at her again. "Are you okay? What's going on?" He reaches next to him, to cup the back of her head and stroke her hair until his hand rests on her back. "Jay?" Jade sighs looking at her knees, uneasy with the situation.  
"I'm fine André." She assures, smiling up at him and looking in his eyes as if to say, 'Really. I mean it.' "Beck's just a little angry, because I have this habit that drives him _insane_."  
"A habit? That's it? God, calm down Beck, you almost gave me a heart attack!" scolds Tori.  
"What kind of habit is it?" voices Rex. "Does she bite her toenails? 'Cause that shit's nasty."  
"Rex!" Robbie hisses. "Not. Now."

"Well go on Jade. Show them" spits Beck. Jade gives him a look.  
"Beck, shut _up_. They're just going to freak out about it. It's no big deal, it's just a ha-"  
"But it's a s_cary_ fucking habit Jade. And I hate it _so_ much." A wince. "Sorry Cat. Jade, listen, you can't keep doing this. I swear, I just.. I can't stand it." His voice goes hoarse and Jade bites her lip, upset at the crease on Beck's forehead that never seems to go away anymore, and his uncharacteristic show of emotions. He obviously had had _enough_.  
"I'm sorry." She whispers shaking her head, like there's nothing she could do, and reaches up to stroke his cheek, as if that's the best she has to offer him. He looks at her, frowning incredulously as if to say, 'Really? _Really?_ That's all you're going to say?"

"Okay, I'm confused" Tori says glancing from Jade to Beck with that adorable confused expression, that was just so damn_ Tori_. "What's the matter?"  
Beck sighs, and reaches up to his face to grab onto Jade's hand that's resting on his cheek. He looks at her for a moment, but then pulls her hand roughly to the middle of the table, palm open, so everyone can see how scratched they are.

A universal gasp emerges from the group, and Tori clamps her hand over her mouth and André freezes and stares and stares and stares, and Robbie blinks stupidly, his mouth agape. Cat just juts her lip out and looks away.  
"Jade. Oh my gosh, what have you _done_?" exclaims Tori. Jade doesn't say anything, just sighs and rolls her eyes at Beck.  
"You do this?" asks Robbie. "On purpose?" A scowl this time.  
"God. See Beck, I _knew _they'd freak out. No, Rob, _not_ on purpose." She says irritatedly. No one says anything.  
"For Christ's sakes, it's just a fucking _habit_ – _not_ now Cat. It's not like.. y'know, I _enjoy_ it or anything. I don't _mean_ to." Still, no one says anything.  
"For Christ sa-! Right then, I'm done." And she jumps up to storm away but a very gentle and warm and not so forceful hand touches hers, which for some reason halts her more than a vice grip would.

André's expression is frozen but his eyes stare straight into hers, asking 'what have you done. What the _fuck_ have you done?'  
"'dre…listen. It's not what you think…"  
"You did this?" he asks quietly.  
"I don't mean to. I _swear_."  
"Why would you do this?"  
"'Dre. _André_. I… It's not on _purpose_."  
"Please don't do it."  
"Sure. Fine! That's _fine_ with me! But I can't _help it_..it's like a reflex now. I did it since I was a kid."  
"Why on earth would you pick up something like that?" A shrug.  
He's still staring into her eyes, and really, can he make her feel any worse, when his eyes are screaming betrayal at her?

"Are _you_ okay Cat?" whispers Robbie softly to Cat, on the other side of the table, who hasn't said anything or looked at Jade's hands once.  
"Uh huh." She nods. Tori rubs her shoulder.  
"She's just in shock. She's okay" she offers to Robbie.  
"I'm not in shock" she contradicts. "I knew Jade does this."  
"You _knew_?" asked Beck. Angrily. "And you said _nothing_? For God Sakes Cat, I thought you were her _friend_!"  
"Woah, Beck, calm down! Seriously. Don't speak to Cat like that." She turns to Cat and sighs irritatedly.  
"Cat, don't listen to him, okay, of _course_ you're my friend." Because she knows Cat panics about that particular subject and it's best console her sooner rather than later.  
Jade turns to frown at Beck, because he should damn well _know_ better. He sighs, regretting his tone instantly.  
"Cat? Hey, Kittycat? _Sor_-ry." He apologises. She nods in response, staring at him like he's just kicked her.

"How long have you known about this Cat?" asks Tori. She shrugs.  
"A long time. But Jade doesn't _mean_ to do it. She just does it to let the bad things out. So then she can be happy! Isn't that a good thing?"  
"Cat, it's not a good thing if she hurts herself." Explains Robbie.  
"I know. I don't like her cuts. But if she didn't do it, she'd be secretly sad, and secretly sad isn't _any _fun you know. She only started doing it when she was eight, and that was because -"  
"Cat!" warned Jade venomously.  
"…uh…because her gram gram used to do it. But her gram gram wouldn't do it this hard, would she Jade?" Jade nods silently.

"Why do you do it Jade?" asks André, who still hasn't taken his horrified eyes off her.  
"It's just.. a nervous habit."  
"Jade does it when she's waiting in line for her auditions." Cat elaborated, twirling Tori's smoothie straw. "And when she's waiting outside karaoke-dokey _for ages,_ because her mommy forgets to come. And when they run out of coffee-and-fudge ice-cream, at Gondalas. And when her brother goes missing. And when Beck –"  
"Cat shut up! It's just a_ stupid_ habit I have. Just like when _you,_ just _have_ to bat your eyelashes, at _every _male who works in Bed Bath and Yonder. Or when Robbie flosses his teeth after lunch, or Vega sings 'make it shine' _every_ time she spots her _stupid_ locker, or when André just_ has _to 'kiss and tell' after _every_ night out, or when Beck runs his hand through his hair when he's feeling awkward, or, or upset. I don't fucking _mean_ to do it." she yells.

"Jadey?" Cat says innocently.  
"What?" she shouts, exasperated.  
"You're doing it again." Jade looks down, and sure enough her nails are almost embedded into her palms. She slowly releases her nails and opens her palms to stare at the marks. She looks up at Beck's puppy dog eyes.  
"Don't." she threatens menacingly. "Just.. don't." And she leaps up and marches away.

Beck closes his eyes puts his face in his hands.  
"Shouldn't someone go after her?" asks Tori. Beck lifts his face up and sighs.  
"I'll go."  
"No, _I'll_ go! She's my _friend_." says Cat and gets up to run after her, but walks round next to Beck before she does. She whispers something in his ear, making him run his fingers through his hair and his eyes look down, but as she keeps talking, his mouth lifts a little, the hint of a smile echoing on his face.  
"Yes Cat. I promise." He says kindly and gently feeling bad for talking to his kittycat like he did, and she runs off, her little pink dress flowing behind her.  
"What did she say?" asks André. Beck's smile widens a little.  
"She says that if I ever talk like that to Jade again, she'll never buy me another set of fairy lights for my RV. I'll tell ya, Cat doesn't mess around."

Anyway, he came up with a prevention method, to stop the clawing. It's real simple, he thinks, and completely _not terrible_ at all. All he has to do, is to hold Jade's hand. Of course, that means sometimes getting clawed himself, but she always notices if she does it to him, a lot quicker than if she did it to herself. Probably because the minute her nails dig into his skin, he makes a face like he's waiting to be punched. He's sure that the fact that she'll realise _his_ pain, faster than _her own,_ means something deeply metaphorical, but he can't think of what it is.

He sometimes loses track of when she does it, it's becomes that much of a habit. So he holds her hand _all the time_ - when they're going to lunch or walking to classes or driving home from school. He plays with her hands in lessons, stroking the faded marks, and cuts her nails every week on the floor of his RV with his mom's nail kit. He'll hold them when they're sitting in a dark movie theatre, or waiting for their dinner in a restaurant or sprawling over Beck's bed doing _absolutely,_ _nothing_.  
The only problem is that he gets so nervous to _let go_ of her hand, in case something would worry her, and he'd meet her later, to find her hand torn and scratched and clawed at. He's gotta protect his _girl_. They'll be sitting on the floor of his RV, watching another terrible episode of Full House, and Jade would sigh and tell him she needed to go home. And Beck's fingers would tighten automatically on her fingers because her house is where does it the most and would refuse to drive her home for, '_just one more episode, okay'_?

They're sitting in class, side by side, listening to Sikowitz's acting lecture/coconut information session. He's zoning out because he _knows_ what a soliloquy is and does he really ever need to know who invented the coconut?  
Jade's eyes are focused on the window, watching the birds on the trees, but she's listening to the lesson - he can tell. He's playing with her hand again, holding it with one hand and tracing over the lines of faded scars and flipping it over to check that her nails are short enough. Her hands are cute he thinks, her fingers are long, perfect for her piano, but to him they look like the hands a six year old with have.

"Beck!" A shout snaps him out of his fascination and his head snaps up to see Sikowitz and the whole class staring at him.  
"Sorry?"  
"I was just wondering if you'd repeat what I just said?" asks Sikowitz.  
"Uh... "Beck thinks back about any information he's picked up about soliloquies and decides to say that. "I believe you said that a soliloquy is a monologue intended to represent the inner workings of a character's mind." That should do it.  
"Uh, _no_. I _believe_ I said that Early Spanish explorers called the coconut 'coco', which means _monkey face_ as the three indentations on this glorious nut resemble a monkey head. Now why weren't you paying attention?"  
"I'm sorry sir, I was just -"  
"Playing with your girlfriends hand. I know. These two wonderful spheres under my eyebrows are not just for poking." Jade rolls her eyes but more in fondness than a Oh-dear-Christ-what-kind-of-teacher-is-this way. "Now release her hand please Beck."

Beck swallows.  
"Sorry sir, no." Sikowitz looks at him weirdly.  
"No?" Beck runs his hand through his hair with his other hand, nervously, ignoring Jade's head whipping round to glare at him. If he _dares_ to explain the reason to the _whole_ class as to why he won't let go, she'll _literally_ shave his head. Well. Maybe not. (It's so gorgeous) But he'll _definitely_ be in for a full blown screaming match.  
"Sorry sir. I'll listen to you. I will. But I won't let go of her hand."  
"Beck!"Jade hisses furiously. "Stop being a bastard and let go! I won't _do_ anything."  
"How do you know?" he hisses back. "You never notice anyway. This is my _job_!" She sighs angrily, but doesn't say anything because his eyes are just so determined and sincere and she know that that night when they sat in his car after going out and he promised her that he'd stop her from hurting herself, he _meant_ it.

"Do you mean that your hands are somehow _glued together_?" inquires Sikowtiz. "That reminds me of the time I went to Yemen" he reminisces and starts describing a very complicated and confusing story involving jump rope and hot glue guns until the bell rang.  
"Excuse me!" he shouts and bounds up from the floor, disappearing through the open window earning laughs from the exiting class.

Jade looks at Beck moodily, remaining on her seat.  
"You could've just let go." she insists but he shakes his head. No, he couldn't've.  
"Yeah why didn't you Beck?" asks Tori standing up beside them, putting her bag on her back. "You could've got in trouble!"  
"'Cause I'm keeping her hands safe" he says softly twisting Jade's smooth palms to face outward, with only faint pink scars showing.  
André winces because he doesn't like talking about that but Cat rushes over giggling.  
"Oooh! Pretty hands Jade!" she compliments making Jade snatch her hands back. She winks at Beck. "Nice work Beck!" And reaches her hand up to give him a high five, earning a scowl from Jade.

It's a few weeks later and Beck and Jade are sitting on the summer grass, leaning against the school wall.

"Beck! Hello? BECK!"  
"What?" he looks at her, bewildered.  
"God, are you comatose? I have to go audition for André's play, now can you let go of my hand?" She tries to tug it out, but his hold is like a vice.  
"That's now?"  
"Well it's not later."  
"Wait, the _audition_?" He looks down at her their laced hands and runs his fingers through his hair. "Oh, no Jade, don't go."  
"_Yes, _the audition, where the hell have you been? Why wouldn't I go?" He looks down at their hands again, pointedly and she curses and rolls her eyes.  
"Shut the hell up Beck. I'm not giving up an audition just to stop you from crying."  
"Jade -"  
"No, shut up." And she gets up and wrenches her hand from his and angrily stalks off to the audition.

But, he supposes, that it's okay, because it _is_ just a habit, and no matter how pissy she gets when he brings it up, or how much she denies it, he _knows_ she's trying to stop for him.

But why couldn't she have kept to biting her nails instead? Now _that_, he could deal with.


End file.
